Remember that kid you were friends with when you were 10, but then you lost touch 5 years later because you no longer lived in the same town? Or maybe it’s that kid you were best friends with 4 years ago who moved sports teams so now you don’t really know how their life is going, but social media keeps you somewhat in the loop.
Whatever the reason was for you letting them go, the hole that must now occupy your heart may be somewhat unbearable. At times, it feels like it’s expanding and seeping into other parts of your life, somewhat ruining the relationships you’re developing at the moment. Other times, it feels like they’re slowly slipping away from the edges of your memory, leaving a trace of bitterness on your part.
They who once knew everything about you- your ins and your outs, what made you tick and what made you shut down. These are those people who still have all that knowledge still stored somewhere deep inside of them, but now walk past you without looking back. These relationships that fell apart, often letting better things fall back together, tear at your heart and often leave you clutching for some kind of explanation, grasping for a way to understand how such loss can even happen.
I know what that’s like- what it feels like when they are no longer just a phone call away, but are more like 8 planets away living a life of someone you never met in the body of someone you used to know only too well. And I know what it feels like to tear yourself apart over them, trying to pin blame on one person in order to make it all somewhat more bearable. It’s goddamn impossible, lying in bed trying to trace the events that led to the ultimate end in order to find a cause.
It’s such a hard break up to get over, and although you’d think time would help heal such a wound, it only does it’s best to make it worse. The distance time creates reminds you of all you’re missing from each others’ lives, and the fact that they are just becoming even more distant and unknown to you with the passing of time.
It’s ok to mourn the loss of these friends, and that’s what I’m here to let you know. But I also want to say that it’s not ok to let this mourning hold you back from who you are, and who you are meant to be. You are more than the tears they have made you shed and the pain they’ve sent through your heart. You are the beautiful moments you shared together and the moments that made you grow so that today you can step forward and become something better, building to a better you that will shine tomorrow.
Mourning the loss of someone who’s still living and breathing is awful and painful, and may often feel like a losing battle, but is one of the best growing experiences you may ever experience in your life. When their memories tug at your heart strings or make you weep, let it out. Scream, cry, write, sing, dance- do whatever you must, but let it go. Because with every second that passes in which you shed them, you are finally allowing yourself to be free to be who you are meant to be, making them a footnote in the story of your beautiful journey.