There was this one point in my life I absolutely hated everything about myself. Hair, face, voice, stomach, thighs.
There was one moment that I was crying myself to sleep. It was three in the morning and I was crying quietly because I didn’t want to wake up my mom. I thought ‘Hating myself is going to get me where?’
Ever since that night that I wanted to end the pain, I gradually got better. It didn’t happen in a snap or a flicker in a light, it happened over a long time.
The thing is when I tell people about this story is that they asked who made me realize that it was worth living. Who inspired you to get better? Did you do it for your mom?
I never told anyone about how I was feeling back when all of this was happening. No one knew. No one inspired me to get better. Nothing at all. I did. I inspired myself to get better. Looking back, telling someone would have been the right thing to do. I needed help. I was lucky I got out by myself.
-Excerpt from a book I will never write #1036